Instant Changes

Soul Connection

A Trip Down Memory Highway

Cops `n Cars

Unconditional Love

Paint Job

It Really Doesn't Last Forever

Penny Candy Days

Can An Extrovert/Introvert Person Be Called Socially Ambidextrous?

Ask About the Roast!!!

Kudos to the Staff at Mercy Hospital!

So Which Are the Animals?

Blessings

And Yet More Blessings

Wants Vs. Needs

Instant Changes

I have said it before and I will say it again: don’t take your life for granted. Things can change in a matter of microseconds. Sometimes for good and sometimes for bad but always, with change we are not expecting to have to accommodate, it will make a difference in your life in some manner. It can happen to you at any second, night or day and with no warning.

I was going to wait to start writing about my ordeal until it was but a frightening memory. I find it hard to think and read and write at the present so it made sense to put it off until I was better. Even rereading what I wrote yesterday I see the results of my recent trauma making me aware that I have to go back and check my work more carefully than ever before plus having others proof it. I know it will not be my best work – it is just far too difficult at the moment. However, this is being done in the way of therapy so it will most definitely be some of my most HONEST work. Something happened a couple of days back that made me realize that, for me, this is a very necessary step of my successful recovery. Making myself face the words on paper and allowing the emotions to emerge in this way has always proven an effective method for me to purge my fears.

To begin, last Tuesday at our house we were having a “leftovers night” in lieu of a regular sit-down family supper which simply meant everyone fended for themselves finding odds and ends toeat up out of the `fridge. The boys had finished so I went to fix some food for myself. I was working on two separate projects, dividing time between both, and planned to utilize the time eating to finish up part of one as some of the work was just looking through catalogs choosing merchandise to order for our church craft booth. I had taken two bites of food and one swallow of my drink when suddenly, right at the back of the middle of my head, I felt like something had exploded right out through the skull. I reached around to grasp the sore area standing in the process. As I did, my entire neck tightened up painfully and went into spasms. The pain in my head intensified drastically by each millisecond.

I have suffered from extremely severe migraines since I hit puberty at eleven. They have been debilitating more times than I would ever care to remember and I have sat in many an ER waiting room crying, vomiting and waiting for the meds that would allow me to feel somewhat human again. Luckily the medical field has come up with new meds aimed specifically at migraine sufferers that, for the most part, work very well for me. My nausea and pain can normally be dealt with at home so I am very familiar with the pain and classic symptoms of migraines. This was NOT a migraine.

The pain was so much more localized, violent and intense that there was no doubt in my mind that an immediate trip to the hospital was warranted. My husband was not home yet but I knew he was on his way and I decided to try some of my migraine meds on this headache. Looking back at the night now I try to think exactly what was going through my mind. Logically I knew, no matter what happened, even if the pain disappeared, I knew this was going to end in a visit to the ER. It was just too obvious that this was a major thing going on here and professional help was required. However, our minds do try to kid us by telling us all sorts of things and we really hate to face reality. Particularly when reality is riding in a car a very LONG 25 miles to a hospital being sick to your stomach and in severe pain. So, when Bill got home, I told him it was different and I knew I needed to go and he was ready to go get the car. But I wasn’t ready to go. Part of me hoped my meds would kick in enough so the ride would not be as bad as I could tell it was going to be. The other, as my mother so succinctly put it, was hoping waiting another two minutes would mean the whole thing disappeared. Unfortunately, my nausea meds which ALWAYS work for the migraines, didn’t this time and I lost my battle there. The pain was indescribable and I knew there was no more time to spare. I had managed to drag some clothing on while waiting for my decision to get going and, grabbing a bucket, we headed for the car.

Serendipity had stuck its lovely head as our new insurance had just started that very day! We had other coverage through a COBRA plan but this is a regular major medical plan that is very good and leaving us with a sense of protection right now considering how much the bills are mounting. Unfortunately, new cards for new insurance plans are never issued immediately after you are covered so we didn’t have them yet. Fortunately, Bill had asked for these numbers since he needed to see the dentist earlier that day and our younger son had, ironically, just developed migraines so I wanted to get him into the doctor immediately. Unfortunately, Bill had misplaced the paper with the numbers and was also having a panic attack watching me in pain and feeling completely helpless to do anything, especially when I was refusing to get in the car and get right to the hospital. Fortunately (ok enough of that!), he found the paper and the numbers were already registered in the system. When we got there that part went very smoothly and he was SO relieved.

Everyone handles different situations in different ways. No two of us are alike and it doesn’t mean there is a right or a wrong but that that is simply how and who we are as people. One of what I consider a strength on my part is my ability to handle emergencies. I can completely distance my part in a situation from my feelings about what is happening leaving me to think with a lucid clearness that later seems almost wrong to me given the horror of some of the situations. Still, it really is a good thing as long as I make sure the negative emotions are later released once the emergency is finished.

Some “for instances” would be anytime my kids have been sick or hurt. One of my sons bashed his face against a pipe sticking up from the ground on a Black Diamond ski run. When the idiots who were chaperoning the trip were going to send him home on the bus I said no, I would come and get him. After seeing him I knew he should have gone to the hospital immediately by ambulance. Being that we were already there, though, I took him to the bigger hospital managing to stay calm and handle the situation quickly and with the least amount of fuss.

There was a time in high school when my friends and I were caravanning in two vehicles. When the one ahead of us hit a patch of ice and went off the road flipping over upside down it was me that took over giving directions. If I hadn’t been in that “take charge” mode I would have found it amusing to watch all these boys who thought they were so macho running around on the edge of hysteria trying to figure out what to do! My friends were fine and it was a matter of figuring that out, getting them out of the car, finding a phone and getting help. I even went in and woke up my friend’s parents so they could come out and take care of her. Later, on the way home, I totally fell apart weeping uncontrollably. My boyfriend at the time looked at me in puzzlement. “What are you crying for NOW?” he asked in confusion. “It’s all over!” And I had to explain to him that, yes, it WAS now all over so it was safe for me to let my feelings out.

The time that showed this the most clearly was when our son, Shawn, died. He died at home, on our sofa in our living room. I had taken CPR classes and refreshers many times but I always walked out the door with a little prayer of, “Please, God, don’t ever expect me to remember this stuff to help someone because I don’t think I will!” When I found Shawn not breathing I did feel panicky, more so than any other time I had faced an emergency situation, but, considering the magnitude of this one, I think those feelings are fully justified. And, my first thought was, oh my God, I can’t remember it and I can’t do it. But the first step was calling 911 and, after giving the necessary information and getting Shawn down on the floor as directed, I was asked if I knew CPR. I said yes but I don’t remember in a voice verging on the hysterical. The man’s calm deep voice on the end began explaining and slowly instructing me. As I put my hands down to begin the first compressions it all came flooding back into my head with a rhythm that had to have been helped along by God. There was no hesitancy on my part and I have always felt greatful that I was able to at least do that knowing I did everything I could at the time.

Once the EMT people showed up it was a matter of getting my purse and a diaper bag, getting my two year old ready and leaving for the hospital with my sister. All done with that hysteria building but not being allowed to be let loose until it was “safe.”

These are not isolated incidents. This is the way I have always been and will always be. Sometimes I wish I had the luxury of just sitting there letting others deal with the details while I sob hysterically on the side but, overall, I like being this way because my family feels they can totally depend on my to take care of them no matter what. That is a great feeling. The main thing to remember with this type of character is to make sure I let it out at some point. The fear, the uncertainty, the sadness, the hysteria are all still there. They are just in a pressure cooker being held until they can carefully be allowed to come pouring out. So I need to make sure I give myself that once I know I have done as much as possible to help and can allow someone to take over.

And so, on that Tuesday, I sat on my bed putting on a button down shirt instead of a pullover because I speculated that I didn’t know how I was going to be when I got to the hospital and no way did I want anyone cutting off my shirt. I put on slippers rather than shoes as I knew they could possibly get tossed aside in the shuffle. I made a choice not to take my purse since it was just another thing to worry about. All these things were going through my mind. It is like I have two separate compartments of thought in my head. Right behind my main “train” runs a small express that is feeding these thoughts into the mainstream. In the end, everything gets taken care of and things go much more smoothly. All the while my main “train” was trying to get me to get in that car and go, the express had me getting up, getting dressed, making plans. Once the vomiting started, though, all trains left the station and we had to leave, bucket in my hand.

I was going to say I can’t even begin to describe my drives to hospitals with migraines while vomiting uncontrollably and this was basically the same thing. The fact is, I COULD describe it but truly who wishes to hear about it? Just know it is torture, pure absolute torture and you are sure the trip is neverending. Eventually, though, the road did lead to the door of the ER and, after my husband finally got the security dude to understand that, no, I really couldn’t get out of the car in the middle of a session of losing whatever I had left in my stomach, I did manage to get in the wheelchair and be moved inside.

The doctor told my husband that this is one of the worst type of head pain that you can experience. I have no doubt about that. I have had migraines which are considered horrendous. This was far worse. In addition, their nausea meds weren’t helping and the pain drugs were no better. My blood pressure was somewhere around 221/174 and my husband told me at one point there were twelve people in the room, four of whom were doctors.

Modern medicine is great, don’t get me wrong. I have been on the beneficial side of it far more than once however this was a tough one. Logically you understand what they are doing attempting to get the blood pressure down, ascertain a cause, etc. However, if you were to lie on a bed crying, vomiting, screaming and begging for your husband to kill you because you simply could not take any more pain, you would, at some point of rare clarity, find yourself wondering why on earth they couldn’t turn this all off? And that was my experience – it wasn’t until Wednesday evening that the pain and vomiting were under control enough that I could speak, use a bedpan and start to sip liquids. By Thursday morning I was far better and even allowed some food although one bite convinced me that the idea was far better than the reality. There are times when gelatin and bouillon are so tasty!

I had CT scans and an angiogram (where dye is injected in your brain) but the swelling and blood mass masked the area at the time. When the neurosurgeon came in to see me and I perkily inquired as to possibly going home the next day he looked at me like I was an idiot and said, “Oh, no, you aren’t going home for at LEAST ten to twelve more days.” My mouth dropped open and, without hesitation, I burst into tears. He looked a bit puzzled and said, “Is this a bad thing?” Poor man. Yes, I wanted to go home to my pigsty of a house, my occasionally fighting kids, that neverending decision on what on earth to make for supper, the ringing phone, the piles of laundry. Yes, doc, those looked pretty good at that moment.

He explained what would be happening – meds to reduced the swelling, meds to control residual pain, another angio next week, etc. In the meantime I could start using the bathroom instead of a bedpan (hurray!) and could be moved to a regular room once there was space. I had been in the ICU since Tuesday evening. He was very good about answering questions but my mind was muddled from pain and morphine and all I could think of was sitting in the hospital for that long.

Now, not to be too indelicate for those of you who suffer from squeamishness, I will simply say that, after having babies and our bodies simply growing older, women lose some muscle tone in their lower regions. We have all seen the commercials for products like Depends and they are a big seller for a good reason. Coughing, sneezing, etc. are manageable but vomiting uncontrollably for 24 hours is not. Then I was sweaty and sticky from being hot one minute and shivering with cold the next. When they told me I could take a shower I was thrilled. The only catch was I had to wait for a room out of ICU and the hospital was packed. I ended up not getting a room in the Critical Care unit until Friday but never did a shower feel SO good.

By then I was eating normal food and actually, all things considered, feeling pretty good. Knowing I was stuck in the room was overwhelming. I was allowed to use the bathroom alone, shower as long as they knew where I was and stay in bed. A few days later I could sit in a chair for short times and it wasn’t until eight days later that I was allowed to leave my room at all. I could go for short accompanied walks. Amazing how much that can mean!

The TV here is the worst I have had the misfortune to see in a hospital but thank God modern technology came through in the form of my laptop computer complete with a DVD player. Which, incidentally, I had never used in all the time I have had the machine! I also was brought CD/tape books and music. Reading books, puzzle books and the like were sent back home as I find I can’t read real well yet. Writing on the computer can be accomplished using a large clear font and limiting my time on it. There is no online hookup so I could use a good withdrawal program! Actually, I really don’t feel like being on as I get tired and my sons have taken care of passing messages back and forth to friends online. A full phone card takes care of the rest.

So I spent several days that way. Each day another IV or monitor line was removed as I improved. Every shift change the nurses go through a neuro exam where they have you do things such as smile, puff your cheeks out, stick your tongue out (my boys laugh at that one every time!), grasp their hands tightly, move my feet up and down, wiggle my toes and the like. They check for numbness, tingling, weakness – problems that can arise from brain damage. I am considered in the “stroke victim” area and, having had migraines and seen neurologists for years, I am quite familiar with these tests.

Still, it wasn’t until two days ago that, after having just completed one and being left alone in the room afterwards that I faced the music. The phone wasn’t ringing at present, I didn’t have any visitors, my two sons had just left for Boy Scout Camp, my husband and other son were working at home on our house and I had finished all the work I needed to do on my end to hand off the church project I was working on to others on the committee. I hadn’t had any major pain meds and I was feeling actually quite normal. It was very hard to think of myself as sick in any way.

Still, after the smiling nurse said, “Good!” after my latest neuro exam and left with a cheerful promise to check in later since I didn’t need anything more at present, I found myself looking at my four walls and reality started to set in. For the first time since last Tuesday night I really THOUGHT about WHY they were checking me each time. Hey, this isn’t over with yet! This bad crap could still happen and OMG I am only 48 years old. I am active, independent, stubborn and too young for this. I wouldn’t, however, be the first person that thought that and had it happen so I realized I was not exempt.

I sat up on the edge of the bed and began to do my own REAL assessment. While I know they can see things even if I say they are alright still I had been answering the questions automatically and by rote. My “I am a good little girl and not going to cause any problems” coupled with my “tough mommy, I can be sick and still keep going” attitudes became meshed and I realized I hadn’t been being truthful at all. It was time to wake up and smell the coffee.

I had been previously moving around in my room quite a lot when I wanted something. I would reach down and grab my duffle bag to get clothing for my shower, walk around rearranging my movies and tapes, get things ready for my husband to take back home and things of that nature. When I thought about that compared to the specific instructions: stay in bed, sit in a chair, use the bathroom – well, they just didn’t match up and I realized how stupid I had been acting. The fact that every day I asked and every day was told no for just a slow walk down the hall SHOULD have alerted me but, as I said, I was in that double mood mentioned above. After all, I can do laundry with a cold and it hurts nothing. I can make supper even being sick to my stomach with a migraine and be just fine. Certainly it isn’t FUN or preferable but definitely not life threatening. I had to wrap my mind around this new revelation and it was damn hard.

For the first time since I had had that sharp pain I allowed myself to feel fear. When the pain first presented itself that definitely was one of my first emotions. That and confusion tinged with a oh what the hell anyway. But, fear, first and foremost. Then I put myself into survival mode and pushed that fear down until that very minute. Once allowed out, it flooded my heart and I broke down sobbing. A good cry in the bathroom helped a great deal but that is not a great option since it makes my head hurt right now.

What I am told is that the blood being reabsorbed into my body causes my blood pressure to fluctuate and also causes slight chemical imbalances so victims of this nature find themselves dealing with depression afterwards. As someone who has chronic depression this is not unfamiliar territory but I haven’t faced it in this manner so I am not sure what to expect. What comforts me is that I am not the first and I can expect guidance and help from the doctors. It is the same feeling I get on the opposite end of having migraines for so many years. When my twelve year old came to me a couple of weeks ago in the middle of the night, on the verge of tears, telling me he had the worst headache of his life and then described the classic migraine auro vividly, my first thought was, “Oh, my poor baby.” But following that thought was another: he will never suffer the way I had to for so many years. I was in my thirties before I received the meds I use now that keep me from those far-too-frequent ER visits and the hours and hours of suffering and crying. Yes, it will be inconvenient and oftentimes painful but manageable. And, in this case, too, I will find dealing with this manageable due to medical research and those who have gone this path before me.

We try to keep up our “brave face” – particularly as moms. I don’t think I am doing anyone any big favors this time by doing that. I think I need to be open and honest and tell everyone what I need right now because the repercussions could be devastating and permanent. I am NOT out of the woods yet. Certainly the prognosis is fantastic as far as I am concerned. I don’t appear to have as much pain as they expect and everything just seems good. If I had to give a prediction at this point, I would say, overall, given everything in this situation, it couldn’t go any better. If things go as they seem, I will, in about a month, be back to just as I was. My head needs time to heal but it should be fine in the end. The doctor says I have as much chance of having this happen again as you do. I was born with a weakness and something triggered it. I do need to lose weight, watch my blood pressure, etc. but I was doing that before and aware that I need to work on it for this and other reasons. So I could sit here with a “the glass is half full” attitude. I think, though, that that would be stupid in this situation because what I will do then is tend to ignore medical advice. If they say “take it easy” – well, I need that defined specifically. I need to know each and every thing to avoid and for how long. Since everyone has been fantastic about answering our questions as they arise, I have no concerns in this direction. I will go home with a very clear view of what my life will be like for the next month or so and I will definitely follow through.

Doing that, though, has a definite drawback. You are forced to face the reality of WHY they are telling you this. You are forced to understand that, just because you feel good now, does not mean you are out of the woods. You are forced to face your own vulnerability and mortality. Frankly, that scared the hell out of me. I have been having crying jags and it is just fear making its way out of my heart. I am used to being tough and putting up with my pain and fears. I put on a good front for my family and friends and, in doing so, I make it so real I find I believe it, too. So, when people talk to me now and say, oh, things sound good and will be fine I am quick to say oh yes! Scenario is the best case possible! If this had to happen I am on the up end. Blah blah blah. No, time to quit doing that. Time to, for a change, say yes, it looks good and I am praying for it to keep going that way but there are percentages and nobody gave me any guarantees that I am not going to be on the wrong side of those. That way I am staying optimistic and positive but I will not push my health in the mistaken belief that I am invulnerable. So, the fear is here to stay, unfortunately, because it is what will keep me on the straight and narrow until I am given a clean bill of health from the doctors. And, if I cry occasionally, well then so be it. I am allowed. It is a very scary thought to think I could have had some permanent damage from this or even died. It is okay to take care of ME for a change and be vulnerable. If it upsets the people in my life, well, then they will have to deal with that, too, because I am entitled to be human and deal with my emotions the way I need to without worrying about upsetting them.

Even after our son died I did that. For a time I cried here and there but eventually I saw that it upset everyone. They would want to comfort me and hugging me only made me cry harder so I would go elsewhere to let the feelings of grief escape. Eventually I found that a car drive with the music blaring, tears rolling down my cheeks and occasional raw sobs of grief escaping along with just some good old primal screaming worked the best. I would let it build up as if bubbling inside a small pot in my chest. When the pot started to bubble to the top, it was time for a car ride. When I returned my face would be chapped and red, my eyes would be completely bloodshot, my nose stuffed and my head would ache but the pot would be empty and I could start all over again. As the years have passed, I find I no longer need that particular method of “grief disposal” but I have no doubts that I wouldn’t be in as emotionally healthy of a spot had I not done so.

So, now it is time to openly deal with the fears and realities of THIS situation and I am sure, with prayers and support, it will go fine. Still, once in awhile, in the next few weeks, the fear will creep in and I will deal with it because it will remind me that this is REAL. This is not a game.

Two months, six months, five years from now I will go back and read this and I won’t really remember the fear I am feeling now. Time has a way of doing that. They say time heals. No, I don’t believe that unless you mean heals with a scar. That scar will remain so I will remember this incident and how it felt but not really what it felt like. Just as I no longer feel that raw, open wound grief I did after Shawn died, I won’t feel this overwhelming, heartwrenching and terrifying form of fear that now overshadows my life.

So, I share this now while I do feel it. The only thing now that helps me deal with it are the people in my life. My immediate family, my extended family, my friends, acquaintances, church members and long distance and online friends. The flowers and cards are so wonderful but far more than that are the words telling me I am cared for, loved and having prayers sent my way. They are my strength, they are my salvation right now. I cling to them for support, security, love and help during the especially tough moments.

I know there are people who have gone through FAR more than I am dealing with now but reality is that we only have our own experience to compare to and this is the scariest thing I have ever dealt with in reference to my personal health and well-being. Certainly the ectopic pregnancy I experienced was in that category particularly since I lost half of my blood and came very close to dying but I was so focused on the fact that I had lost a baby that the other never really entered into the picture with me. And, once my medical needs were attended, I had only to allow my body to recuperate. There was really no residual danger as long as I was somewhat careful.

As someone who uses the computer a lot, uses my eyes and small motor skills a great deal with crafts and reads incessantly, the thought of losing any of those functions is nothing short of terrifying. So, if I am a bit morose or not quite as upbeat as I generally try to stay for the next few weeks there is a good reason for it and I intend to indulge those feelings knowing they will force me to follow directions for the best possible recovery I can have.

UPDATE: I was able to go home ten days after this incident with virtually no restrictions. I need to go back for an additional test and to be seen but, all things considered, this could not have gone any better considering what all could have happened. The mortality for this type of incident is moderately high and the chance of walking away with no damage whatsoever is just phenomenal. I am feeling very lucky, fortunate and blessed. It will take me a few weeks to regain my strength and for my head to quit aching but I just plan to rest and relax and take care of ME for a change! Luckily I have a wonderful family, too, taking care of me doing all the cooking, cleaning and chores.

I want to thank EVERYONE, too, who took time to send an email, cards, flowers, gifts, visits to the hospital, phone calls and prayers. The support was overwhelming and I found myself moved to tears more than once by that show of love and caring.

RETURN TO TOP

You ever have a cop car come up on your ass as you are driving innocently down the road? Right away you start checking out your speed and general driving form. Am I going the speed limit? Using the correct turn signals? Everything working okay on the car?

I tend to have a lead foot. (Okay, yes, I can see all my guys nodding vigorously here. I fully admit it!) And I also am a hard luck case when it comes to cops. There can be twenty-five people on the road all breaking the law in various ways yet I will be the one who attracts the attention of the cop behind the wheel. So, when I see a car with those bubble lights on top I get just a wee bit paranoid but with fully justifiable reason. So are you one of those people who can blithely cruise along down the road never worrying about being stopped or do you have the misfortune to be like me?

Now part two of this rant is why do those particular peace officers, upon finding themselves behind me on the road, feel the need to drive faster than the speed limit? Case in point: this morning I had to drive my son to the park-n-ride to catch the bus. I had stayed up far too late the night before and there are SO many people out driving at that time that I was behaving for a change. My speed was right at 55 for which I was thankful when I realized the car behind me was a police vehicle. I just kept it at that yet, when we got on an open stretch of road, said cruiser jetted past me all of a sudden. I am not even sure he or she put on their turn signals before doing so. Actually it startled me as I wasn’t expecting it. I generally check my rearview mirror quite frequently while driving but I hadn’t done so being passed so this was a surprise since I was holding steady right at 55. As a matter of fact, just a few feet further down the road the speed limit changed to 50 but just for a short distance and I was debating whether it really was necessary to slow down that small amount for that short of a distance when the car voomed around my left side and made the whole mental argument a moot point.

What bothers me is that these are the people who are supposed to set the standard and example for the rest of us. This car did not have the lights or siren going yet obviously was going far over the speed limit. I watched as it made the same turn I needed to take yet when I got to that point it was long gone. Why was it so necessary to drive that fast? What was the hurry? If there is an emergency and I was in the way the lights and siren should have been used. Since this is far from the first time this has happened I think it is more likely the person driving is just in a big hurry and is using the protection of the official vehicle to break the law. It really pisses me off.

And as long as I am on the subject of official emergency vehicles: what the HELL is wrong with you idiots who will NOT get out of the way when an ambulance is coming down the road behind you? Are you NUTS??????? All I can think is that obviously you have never had the misfortune to have anything to do with an emergency situation such that an ambulance needed to be summoned. I, sad to say, have had to ride in one as a patient, ride in one with a loved one in the back and ride following one with another loved one inside. Because of that I will always be one of the first ones over to the side out of respect for the situation and the people involved. You just never know when your turn will come and, believe me, if you are the type to get impatient when you see the lights flashing behind you to move over to the side you will quickly change how you feel once it is you riding in back or someone you love.

Maybe someday I will start an official public campaign to make this a big issue. In the meantime, I always hope seeing me pull over to the side quickly will shame some of those drivers into following suit who may otherwise have been tempted to try and outrun the ambulance. For the ones who keep going the small, nasty little voice inside of me whispers I hope someday the shoe is on the other foot and you know the feelings of helplessness and incredulity as you ride in the front of the ambulance and watch people totally ignore the lights and siren.

RETURN TO TOP

Unconditional Love

NOTE: I don't usually do a lot of writing of this sort but I was asked to write it for a Christian teen website. It went over very well with the young people there as apparently it made some of them look at their lives in a different light, in particular, the last part.

1 Corinthians 13


Love

1If I speak in the tongues [1] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, [2] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Unconditional Love

Define “unconditional love” as you see it. Now think about it for a minute. Do you really understand the meaning or is it just another catch phrase we use in modern society. How does it fit into your relationships?

What if your girlfriend went out behind your back with your best friend? What if one of your friends stole something precious from you? What if your best girlfriend started spreading rumors about you to your other girlfriends? What if one of your parents lost his or her temper and beat you? What if you did something so awful you couldn’t forgive yourself?

Where do we draw the line? When does something happen which is so awful, so unforgivable that we stop loving someone else? Can we ever love them again?

There is a family who adopted two boys. The older boy, at sixteen years old, gave his younger brother, age fourteen, an overdose of pills, which caused his death. Family and friends alike told the parents over and over they should walk away from the older boy leaving him in the care of social services. They expressed their disbelief that the parents could still care about the boy. The parents, however, visited the boy in the residential psychiatric facility he had been placed in and diligently attended counseling sessions striving to do everything they could to put the pieces of their family back together. Several years later this has been accomplished and the older boy is once more part of the family as much as any other child.

When asked how they could do this the parents would smile gently and ask the person, “What if your child went out and did something so awful you couldn’t begin to understand how they could possibly do it? What if they were in jail? How would you feel about them? Would you stop loving that child?”

Put into a context they could relate to the other people had to agree that, no, they would NOT stop loving their child. Possibly the fact that the children were adopted made a difference in their minds but, to the family of the adopted boys, there was no difference.

Psalm 66:20
Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!

So what about you? What does it take to make you walk away from someone? Where does unconditional love fit into your life?

One place you will find true unconditional love – love with no boundaries – is with God. God will never stop loving His children no matter what we do. As Christians, we learn this concept and we mouth the words quite easily. How often do we truly think about what it means, though? Usually not until we reach a crisis point. Many times we find ourselves in a situation where we loathe ourselves. Whether it is really something we have done that is truly so terrible that we are justified in thinking this or whether it is a small offense really doesn’t matter. We think we are not worth loving.

I Chronicles 16:34
Give thanks to the LORD , for he is good; his love endures forever.

Parents, not ALL parents, but good parents understand what this term means. From the minute they hold that little helpless baby in their arms they feel a love so overwhelming they can’t imagine NOT ever loving that child. And so it is with God. When you hit those lows and you are sure you are a worthless excuse for a human being for having done something wrong you need to have faith and understand God is our Father. He knows we are only human and that we are going to make mistakes. He forgives us for those mistakes and His love never wavers. This is something VERY important to remember because it is all too easy to allow ourselves to think otherwise.

Psalm 33:22
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD , even as we put our hope in you.

As for how we handle unconditional love in our own relationships…. Well, again, we are only human. There just are not going to be that many people we will love enough to forgive them anything. That is reality. We can try to do this using God’s example. There are few things harder than trying to forgive someone who has done something really awful to you. You are full of anger and you want to lash out at them. You want them to feel just as much hurt as you are feeling. This is a very good time to take a breath, walk away and give yourself time. Cool down and let it go for awhile. Stop and think about how much God would still love you no matter what and how much He still loves that other person. Can you find it in yourself to do the same? Can you walk up to that person and say, “I forgive you. I don’t like what you did but I love you.” What do you think their reaction will be? Chances are they are expecting you to blow up and never speak to them again. Maybe, just maybe, you will cause them to feel enough shame to ask for your forgiveness and for God’s. But, if not, you will have walked in God’s shoes for awhile following His example and I guarantee you will feel MUCH better than if you let anger overtake you.

Psalm 6:4
Turn, O LORD , and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.

Love Thy Neighbor

Leviticus 19:18
" 'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD .

Ah, we have all heard this one. Unfortunately, I think we have heard it so much it has lost the meaning for how many of us truly show love to our “neighbors”? Not just the obvious people – mom, dad, siblings, boy/girlfriend. Even extended family members, friends, fellow church members. It is easy to love those people! You are supposed to love them and you do. OK, what about the boy who always makes fun of everyone, including you? What about the girl who thinks she is so much better than you and lets you know it? What about the boy who always gets the best grades or the girl who has nicer clothes than you have? Can you love them? Can you love them as much as you love yourself? Oh, that is a tough one to ask us to do.

Let’s take it one step farther: can you love the bum on the street who smells? Can you love terrorists? Can you love the person who kidnapped and killed a small child?

Wow, what a huge thing that is to ask of us. And how many of us can TRUTHFULLY say we love those people? And that we not only love them but that we love them as much as we love ourselves!

Is it FAIR for God to ask this of us? We are not omnipotent as He is. We don’t see all the loose ends of the world tied up so it makes sense. So how can He expect this of us? He doesn’t, of course. He knows we will falter at times. He is there to help us learn to forgive ourselves. He is there to help us LEARN to love our neighbor.

Now what about the “as ourselves” part of this? We all will have times in our lives where we will not be able to truthfully say, “I love myself.” For that matter, how many will go through their ENTIRE life feeling this way? “Yourself” entails a great many parts: physical, emotional, moral, spiritual… How do we learn to like all of those parts at the same time? And, acknowledging this, if we can’t love ourselves how can we truly love others as God directed us to love them?

Psalm 51:1
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.

And so, to love the people who hurt us, the people who offend us, the people we are jealous of, we must first learn to love ourselves. For most people this is the most difficult part. We tend to be our own worst critics. Looking in a mirror we see hair that always seems to go the wrong way, a nose which is not quite symmetrical, lips that are too thin or too thick, skin which isn’t smooth enough, and as for the rest of the body – too much here, too little there! If we examine our values will be be completely happy with what we find? Couldn’t we have been a bit more kind in that situation last week? Shouldn’t we be spending more time seeking our spiritual goals than we have been? Were we just a little too full of pride and conceit at that dance last month? Let’s face it – there will always be SOMETHING we will find within ourselves to dislike. If we CAN learn how to like ourselves, though, we will find liking other people and forgiving them for THEIR drawbacks will become much easier.

One way I have found which helps is to use the widespread WWJD as a tool against which all we do should be measured. What WOULD Jesus do? Would he do as you did or not? You can’t change the past but you can forgive yourself and made a vow to change that particular behavior. Stop and think before you react or speak. Make sure it is something you will not regret later.

Sit down and prioritize your life. Into what areas should you put more effort? What would make you feel better as a person? And then do everything you can to make those changes but always holding them up for scrutiny. Is this something which will make you happy or proud of yourself?

Ask friends, family members, counselors, clergy or anyone else you trust what they see as your downfalls. Often the things you are sure they will bring up turn out to be minor to them and what they do say will surprise you. Ask them how they feel you could change that behavior and ask them to help you by reminding you if you fall back into old habits. Just as an example, many people feel like they are acting more like a part of the crowd by making constant jokes. Unfortunately, they often use another person as a target. They see it as joking and pass it off as “I was just kidding” when someone points out that was hurtful rather than funny. It can be hard to break this habit – not only because it is a behavior which must be changed but because the person must now find a new way to fit into the crowd. It is very easy to find another type of hurtful behavior in this case. That is why it is important to ask people who are close to you what they would like to see instead. Many times they will say to “just be yourself” but you have played the clown role for so long you are no longer sure who you are inside. It takes time but it will happen. Ask God for help, too. Pray for strength and pray for guidance.

Psalm 31:7
I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.

Physical dislike can be the most difficult type to overcome because much of what we see as our imperfections are not something we can change. If you truly feel bad about your entire look then, again, find someone close to you to help. We have all seen the movies about the so-called “ugly ducklings” who became “swans”. A change in hair style, contact lenses, different clothing – all these and more can make you FEEL different. You have more self-confidence and it shows! However, I am not advocating running out and buying a whole new wardrobe here. Make a few inexpensive changes if that is important to you. However, most of the time what we see in the mirror is NOT how others see us. Therefore, I suggest, before making any drastic changes that you indulge in a small sociology experiment.

Find a place well-populated with people of both sexes, all ages, all economic backgrounds, and as many other differences as there can possibly be in our world. An airport is a great place to do this or a shopping mall. Now, find a quiet corner and just sit and people-watch. Look especially for couples if that is one of yours fears – that you will never find anyone right for you. When you see a couple look hard at them. Are they a nice-looking couple? Well, maybe one of them is a bit on the heavy side. Another is very tall and thin. A girl walks by who you see as a very unattractive person but at her side is an attentive young man smiling, happy to be with her. Watch. Observe. And see how different we all are. There is no right or wrong here. Don’t let TV shows, movie stars and models let you think any differently. The vast majority of people who share our planet are decidedly NOT attractive or at least do not look like they do in the movies. And actually neither do those people! Makeup, fancy clothing, surgeries, hair restoration can all make a person look far different than they would had nature run its course.

So, with God’s help you can become the person you truly would like to be; one you can honestly say you like and are happy to be. It is a great feeling! And then, you will find it is far easier to “love your neighbor.” Having a better understanding of who you are enables you to be far more forgiving of who THEY are.

1 Corinthians 13:13 - So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

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It Really Doesn’t Last Forever

I am sitting here crying over a building. Honest to God tears are running down my cheeks over a restaurant. I just received an email from a family member who lives in my hometown that this place burned to the ground. Accompanying pictures were shocking evidence that nothing remains of a place where I spent many happy hours.

Few places in our lives have all good memories but we all do have those special places. This was one of the very few for me.

Situated with water surrounding three sides the area can be reached by land or by boat. Inside the restaurant and bar area the décor was best called rustic. It was one of those places that would be said to have atmosphere. The atmosphere there was one of laughter and relaxation. The chairs usually didn’t sit quite flat on the floor and the screen doors looked like they had seen better days. But you really didn’t care as that just added to the feeling of letting loose. You didn’t have to use your best manners or worry about what you wore. The food wasn’t fancy but, after being in a boat for a few hours, a big juicy hamburger tastes like a feast.

Out on the multi-level decks chairs and tables allowed you to sit and watch the boats go by and laugh at the antics of water skiers who, as soon as they know they have an audience, usually attempt some fancy maneuvers. What more could you ask for on a beautiful summer day than to sit with a cold drink spending time with your friends and family?

Chipmunks abound in the area and are coaxed and encouraged to come near in order to be fed a treat of peanuts. Watching a little person giggle and chase the chipmunks around demanding that they eat their peanuts is a delight. Even adults can’t resist sheepishly squatting down to offer a few peanuts to the little brown creatures.

This is one of those “must go to” places when I visit my hometown. It is a given that one afternoon of that visit will be spent out there. I always have looked forward to it. Sharing this special place with my children has been a great joy to me.

Part of my sadness comes from losing my Dad many years ago. For awhile after he died I couldn’t bear to go to the lake when I went back home. My dad was a very hard worker rising early and coming home exhausted. After supper he would attempt to watch a little TV but his fatigue usually got the better of him. Eventually he would give up and go to bed. Those are my everyday memories of him. But, there was another side to my dad that I prefer to remember and that was when he took time out to enjoy himself and relax. He had a lot of “toys” such as a motorcycle, snowmobile and, in later years, even an airplane, but what I remember most is the boat. I think that is because that is where I saw him laugh the most. My parents would play their country music that I complained about but inside really didn’t mind because it was so familiar and spoke to me of good times. Every so often my dad would let out an “eeee-haw!” Each time he did he would grin like a little boy and I would have to grin back at him because it just seemed so out of character for the dad I knew who worked so hard during the week. That dad didn’t have the time or energy to do much “eee-hawing.”

When we would go out to this place I would watch the families going by in their boats. Some would fly on by and wave at us. Others would pull their boats in to the dock and come up for a drink and maybe a walleye sandwich. Watching their smiling faces made me remember, and I found it comforting. Sad memories became good ones as I could be glad for those times we had together. There just weren’t enough of them as there never are in this life.

It sounds as if this place will be rebuilt and I am glad. Other people will enjoy making it their special place, too. And it will still be fun to drive out there for the afternoon but it won’t be the same place. That place is gone just like my dad is gone. It’s ok to be sad about saying goodbye to people and places and things in your life. That is only natural for life doesn’t ever stay the same. Keeping the good memories alive, though, helps us remember that, sad or no, life is still good.

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Penny Candy Days

Today an old friend sent me one of those “remember when” types of emails. One of the items listed was “penny candy.” Oh, yes, I do remember penny candy….

On hot summer days I would be playing with one of my little girlfriends and we would get a notion that some candy would taste pretty good. Not having any money, as allowance wasn’t a regular thing in my family, we would beg my mother for a paying job. She had an old stand-by that we would go about doing with the idea that it was a major help to the family. Grabbing a couple of the large ice cream buckets we had stacked in the garage, she would tell us to go fill them up with dandelions that prolifically growing in our yard. For each bucket we filled we would receive the grand sum of ten cents. Kids today would laugh at the idea of one thin little dime being worth doing anything much less a physical activity but we thought it was a very fair deal. Our enthusiasm ebbed as we bent over to pull the yellow weeds long enough to fill one bucket. And, let’s face it, ten cents in those days was enough to buy plenty of candy to make one child happy for an afternoon. So, after each of us proudly presented my mother with one full bucket, we would head down the store to the corner grocery store to spend our hard earned cash.

When I think of two little girls innocently strolling alone for the many blocks it took to reach the store, I am amazed at how different things are in the way that I have raised my children. After a boy was kidnapped (and never found) near the small town where my husband and I were living, I was always terrified that would happen to one of my boys. Therefore, when they wanted to go alone to a convenience store to spend their money on treats, I didn’t even allow them to walk straight to the store from our house. Doing so would have meant that they walked along a very busy road for several blocks. Instead, I had them walk in a U-shape by going back a block from our home, walk along until they reached the block where the store stood and then walk back up to the store. I then had a lengthy discussion with them about what to do if someone tried to accost them. In addition, I went into as much detail as I felt was suitable for their ages about what could happen to them if some perverted individual kidnapped them.

But those were gentler, sweeter days and I cherish them. Walking along with my friend we would laugh and chatter away, unaware of the dangers the world could hold for two little ones. The sun would shine, the birds would twitter, cars went by with people we knew and we would wave – life was good then. The biggest challenge that lay ahead of us was which candy we would choose in exchange for that small silver coin.

Eventually, if not hastily, we would reach the small store. It was an old-fashioned mom and pop grocery store. Not a huge store but fully stocked with the shelves full of the same things we would find if we opened the cupboard doors at home. But we did see those cans and boxes because we only had eyes for what lay behind the counter: boxes and boxes of small pieces of candy.

I think of being allowed to go behind the counter to slowly peruse the candy shelves and have to again smile at that memory. How many store owners today would feel comfortable doing so and not worrying that the children would be sneaking out with their pockets full of stolen merchandise? But apparently we either looked like the innocents we were or it just wasn’t an issue for we were allowed to spend as much time as we needed making this momentous decision.

Penny candy was not only truly a penny but then there were the candies that were two or three for a penny! Blackjacks with their rich licorice taste, wax bottle filled with flavored sugar water, Bajooka Joe bubble gum (you not only got the gum but you got a funny comic and you could save up the wrappers for fantastic prizes!), Tootsie rolls and these candies that looked like records with a small white round candy in the middle and a long flat piece of black licorice wound around and around the white candy. Oh, what a choice! No wonder we stood so long there shifting that dime back and forth between each hand as we mulled over and discussed the choices.

Finally, we would make our choices and bring them triumphantly up to the counter. Still, even as we handed over that dime, our eyes would drift back to the shelves. Should we have perhaps chosen differently? Was that piece of gum really a better choice than getting three of the candy records for the same penny? But we stood firm and would accept the small brown bag full of our choices from a smiling older woman.

We would leave the dark store blinking in the bright sunshine, our little bags clutched tightly in our hands. Whew! The hard part was over with and we were now happy with our choices. The walk home went a bit more slowly as we had to take time to stop and unwrap each piece before shoving it into our mouths. Attempts to talk were sometimes thwarted by drooling mouths and our faces and clothing were somewhat worse for the wear by the time we reached home.

Happily, a dime’s worth of penny candy was not enough to give a child a stomachache which is a good thing as, generally, the little bag was empty by the time we reached home or soon after. It didn’t affect our appetites, either, as we were growing children and the long walk ate up all that sugar. I don’t recall brushing my teeth all that well after those excursions – hopefully I did considering the sticky candy and gum I had chosen but I don’t think it did much harm. The memories I am left with far exceed any damage done in any event.

A sunny day, a dear friend and a bag of sweets – what more could any child ask for?

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Can An Extrovert/Introvert Person Be Called Socially Ambidextrous?

I always get a giggle but also find it interesting when I tell people I am chatting to online that I am shy. They invariably react with a “yeah, right, uh huh” attitude. No, seriously, people, I AM shy – in person. AND with people I don’t know. It has to do with self-esteem and comfort level being with people among whom I can let loose without feeling ridiculous. Well, not too ridiculous, anyway.

I found the same thing to be true back in the “good old days” before computers when I was an avid fan of using CB radios. On there, without anyone knowing who you were, you could be anyone. All the witty sayings, clever comebacks, flirtatious remarks could be voiced.

It always makes me wonder what people are really like on the other end. Are they real or made up? Are they so comfortable being who they are in everyday life that they can still be that same person online or do they feel the need to change their character? I have only been able to meet a couple of people I have talked to online and they were actually very much as I expected to find them. If anything, their positive traits were underplayed and I was pleasantly surprised to find those qualities were ones I enjoyed in my close friends.

That being said, what would people make of me if they met me in person? Obviously it has a great deal to do with how much online interaction I have had with them. Anyone I have talked to for years will have a different picture in their head of what I am like than one I have just met. When they laugh in disbelief after I tell them I am shy I have to wonder what they actually do think of me!

I don’t think it is a bad thing really. The me they see is the one I would choose to be all the time if I could get past the insecurities that followed me into adulthood. They are so radically overwhelming that I find it difficult to make a phone call to place an order or to go and ask a salesperson a question in a store. You might say they are almost crippling in that respect because I will walk around in a store for a very long time looking for an item and even walk out without it before approaching someone to ask where I could find it. Do people who speak to me online suspect anything like this? No, certainly not.

Having a place where you can actually be the person you would rather see in the mirror each day enables you to test the waters. If I can say what is in my mind and it is okay there, then maybe it will be okay in my offline life. It allows for a freedom you perhaps don’t feel normally and gives you the opportunity to try out some personalities. How is the shy, sweet person accepted and what about the witty smart mouth? Do people seem to enjoy talking to you more when you are flamboyantly outrageous or when you play the part of a listening ear?

An important lesson to remember in all of this is that how you feel you would prefer to be seen by others is not necessarily a good thing. Others might be put off by that personality and so it is actually a good way to experiment and then learn. Choose the best of what you find about yourself online and bring it into your real life. If it has a good reaction with people you don’t see face-to-face then it is likely to have a good reaction with those in your everyday life.

Another little thing I try to remember is that the majority of people you will stumble across you will most likely never see again. Most everyday situations that we worry about feeling stupid or awkward have to do with being out in public. Try to tell yourself that you will be that person you liked so much better online and, if you are feeling uncomfortable or shy or nervous, do you really CARE what these people think? You shouldn’t – they don’t matter and, as I just said, will you come across them again? And, if you do, will they remember you? Most likely not unless you do something extremely outrageous. So try to keep your perspective to those family members, friends and acquaintances who surround you and will be exposed to the “new you.” See if their reaction is similar to the ones of your online friends. If not, what is different? It doesn’t even hurt to ask. Most people feel the same way and will understand. If how you are acting is not coming across in a positive light than hopefully they can help you to see why.

People are who they are and no matter what, some of that will always remain with them. That doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t change some of what you don’t like about yourself. So, every now and then I make myself order a pizza or ask where I can find the on sale toilet paper. I share my writing now, which was a very big step for me. And I tell myself when I am uncomfortable in a public situation that, even if I do manage to look stupid somehow, I don’t care what these strangers think.

I do care how my online friends view me if it is someone I wish to keep as a friend and perhaps meet someday. But I hope they see past what I project online to who I am beneath that because, should we meet someday in person, I would like them to feel they really know me.

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Kudos to the Staff at Mercy Hospital!!!!

As another story on here mentions, I just spent over a week at our local hospital dealing with what is known as a subarachnoid hemorrhage. The first 24 hours I was pretty well out of things and unaware of who was doing what for me. However, after that point I began to recover and really didn't feel all that terrible. Therefore, I had a good chance to interact with all the staff at the hospital on an in-depth basis. So many people are too sick to carry on a conversation but I craved any one-on-one time I could get since I wasn’t even allowed to leave my room for most of the stay.

The staff was more than friendly. With my head still hurting a bit it is hard to think of descriptive words to fill in the blanks here so use your imagination.

Medical care was handled efficiently and expertly. Any questions I had were treated as extremely important, not a nuisance. When I asked about the meds I was taking the two nurses caring for me that afternoon took SO much time to go through them printing out info sheets, showing me what they looked like, giving me the dosages and explaining why each med had been prescribed. They made it clear that they would take as much time as I needed so I was comfortable with what I was taking.

The doctors were good, the nurses terrific and even all the assorted people who are involved such as transport, cleaning staff, the "vampire" people (IVs, blood work) were all friendly and helpful. Everyone. Other than the one person who left me sitting on the bedpan unattended (and never came back!) really there are no complaints on my part in the least and, for that I am grateful. It is difficult enough to go through an ordeal such as this without having good support personnel around you.

I got hugs, chocolates, microwave popcorn and kind words but most of all concern and smiles. I felt quite spoiled and very, very lucky. Once the initial crisis had passed I started to understand just how bad it could have been and that I wasn’t really out of the woods yet. My normally cheery personality took a dive and I felt great support from these caregivers.

I have had occasion to be in many hospitals as a patient or with my family and, while I really can’t say I have had any major complaints about any of them, I don’t ever remember feeling quite this way about the staff. I feel I am leaving having met some very special people. They are not ones I will forget as soon as I walk out the door into the bright sunshine. No, these people will remain in my mind and my heart as having been there to help not just my body but my spirit, too. In this instance, with this type of an injury, that is extremely important as I have found out the hard way. Knowing I have their utmost support helped me face the reality that I wasn’t out of the woods quite yet and to also acknowledge that it is time to take care of me for a change.

I have always had a particular admiration for the nursing profession since it is one I know I could not do. I can treat my family members but I do so reluctantly with my stomach churning. Now give me a dog or cat and I am fine but people? No, thank you! I lasted as a candy striper just one week ending a tradition of my sisters joining and earning bars for long term service. I just could not bear helping people when they were ill. My sister and sister-in-law are both in nursing and I am proud of them because it is SO important. I also know many, many other nurses, all of whom are good, kind people who probably make their patients feel as good as I was made to feel.

Yes, there are the “stories” and, truth to tell I had two experiences during my stay that could have been better (one mentioned above) but nothing that was bad enough to get real stressed over about. There will never be a situation where things are perfect particularly since we are all human and we all make mistakes. Add to that, problems such as lack of communication, extreme emotion when you or a family member is very sick, personality clashes, misunderstandings of procedures, confusion over doctor’s orders. Oh, there are SO many things to throw in the pot to muddle the entire situation that it is no wonder people do walk away with a bad taste in their mouths. However, I have been around long enough on this world and been through enough to understand these variables and to be able to cut a lot of slack. I hope for the same back because I know I will make mistakes, rub people the wrong way or just be a pain in the butt to be around at times.

That being said and taking all of that into consideration, is the reason why I am so pleased to be able to feel this way and spread these kudos around. The fact that EVERYONE was so nice and there just were no big issues for a hospital stay of that serious magnitude and length totally astounds me! And I am not just talking about the nursing staff here but the nutrition services people, cleaning staff – everyone. They were all just pleasant, friendly and made me feel that they would do whatever they could to make me feel better if at all possible. If they couldn’t, they at least explained why and tried to help as best they could.

If I could I would cater a lunch for these people. It is hard when there are so many to thank so this will have to suffice. I hope you find this page and I hope you show it to your loved ones and say, hey, that lady was talking about ME! I did a good job helping her and you should be proud of me! And be proud of yourselves because yours is a tough job. I know I was fairly easy to care for because I really didn’t feel sick but I could hear what was going on in other rooms and in the halls. I know from talking to nurses how day to day life goes and yet you still walked into my room smiling and with patience.

Thank you. You are very much appreciated!

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So Which Are the Animals????

The company picnic was held at the zoo this year. It has been a few years since I have been there so it was fun seeing the new exhibits. The monkeys never fail to entertain, the giraffes are always interesting to see as they are such a strange looking creature and the meer kats were hilarious.

The most interesting animal there, though, was the two-legged variety. They never fail to amaze me and NOT in a positive manner. While many are very polite and reasonably tolerable to be around, there are always the ones who are rude slobs. With a sore foot I took several breaks and just sat back and people-watched. What an eye-opener…

There are the usual cases of people shoving into you as you attempt to view an exhibit. They couldn’t possibly wait their turn! And God help you if you decide to attend a crowded show of some sort. You will be subjected to people who will run ahead of you to take the best seats, push their way out at the end and just, in general, make their presence known in the most obnoxious manner possible.

Everywhere you went there was garbage. While some of it is legitimately a mistake, the majority is just from people being too lazy to walk over to the trashcan. And it isn’t that they are not readily available. On the contrary, they are placed everywhere about the park, often in plain view of where the litter has been dumped.

We once attended a festival in our city that ended with a display of fireworks. On a grassy area between the sidewalks families spread out blankets and settled in to watch. When it was over the lights came on and we all got up to leave. Our family took longer than most everyone else and so the area was empty by the time we had gathered our belongings. I was saddened and disheartened to see that literally EVERY area where a family had sat garbage was liberally spread around. Our place was noticeable because of the LACK of trash as we had had our boys pick up everything and throw it out before we left. And, standing down the center of the area for the entire length, were large garbage receptacles.

So watching the “pigs” at the zoo did not surprise me but still I find it appalling.

Of all places, the Family Farm area with the petting zoo turned out to be where I saw the worst behavior. Watching the behavior of the adults there just made me shake my head. There was a large corralled area chock full of goats of all sizes and colors. Naturally there will be the problem of excrement on the group and the zoo help scooped it up as quickly as they could but the pen was so crowded that it was a difficult task. One person had her small child in the pen in BARE FEET and the little one started to walk right into a big fresh batch of goat poop. The zoo volunteer made sure to get over there right away and ask that the child not be in there without shoes. In a voice tinged with exasperation, she explained that there were sinks for washing hands but they really didn’t want feet being washed in them. I don’t think the parent was even listening.

One overeager visitor had grabbed a baby goat and was carting it around enthusiastically. Immediately the volunteer said in a loud voice that picking up the animals was not allowed. The woman completely ignored her sitting down on a pile of logs that had been placed in the pen for the goats to climb. The zoo lady waited a bit and then came over and explained in a much nicer tone than I would have been able to maintain at that point, that picking up the animals was discouraged as they could urinate on the visitor. “OH!” shrieked this clueless individual in a loud, bright voice, “I don’t care! I don’t care ONE bit!” Right over her head…. The goat she held in her lap was probably smarter. The volunteer shrugged, shook her head a little and walked away. She had tried.

We had gotten there just before it was time to close the pen and we stood watching our son brushing the goats and trying to make sure each one got a food pellet. The gate was locked soon after he entered although it was full of people. Another family showed up soon after that and attempted to enter. They were told the pen was closed now and they would not be able to come in. The mother argued with the volunteer insisting her child be allowed to enter. When the answer was an adamant NO the husband climbed over the fence and the mother handed the child to him. Obviously the rules are made for the REST of the world. Yes, it is disappointing but the rules are in place for a reason and it is a responsibility to learn to deal with them in an adult manner.

What bothers me the most is the example these people are setting for their children. Allowing them to throw foods into the pens that are not allowed, leaving their trash everywhere, ignoring clear cut rules, pushing so they get better seats. These are the adults of tomorrow who will be attending the zoo with my children and grandchildren. What they are learning they will pass on to their offspring and the patterns will continue.

It really isn’t so difficult to be considerate and kind and clean. Sometimes it takes patience, sometimes you put up with a worse seat or not being able to visit an exhibit, sometimes you need to walk a bit to toss your trash. However, I see my boys picking up garbage they didn’t create because it bothers them so much, I see them saying excuse me and sorry if they bump into someone, I see them backing up to allow others to pass or to see better and I leave places like that feeling very good. I know that no one will look at my family and have the same feelings of disgust I had for the families there that day. The ones that don’t seem to understand that they aren’t the only people who are attending the zoo. I look at the animals inside the large enclosures peacefully eating or resting and I have to think: you are the lucky ones! Come out and deal with this crowd of animals!

RETURN TO TOP

Wants vs. Needs

Having far too much time on my hands these days since my brain hemorrhage last fall, I find myself haunting the “free” sites, much to my hubby’s chagrin! He is the unfortunate recipient of many a phone call lately saying ummm, by the way could you stop here and pick up this? However, snagging a few freebies when money is tight and it is something you really want is pretty awesome!

Reading through the ads which ask for this or that item, though, has made me see very clearly that my Mom’s “wants and needs” speech should be copied and handed out to each and every person before they use these sites.

For instance, a recent posting stated a new baby was on the way and this person “needed” baby items. Sounds sensible enough except that one of the items was a changing table. Now, while I agree that they are a wonderful invention, and I did use them for my children, I never saw it as a “needed” item but rather as a luxury. But even that request I could understand. It is the ones that have very specific requirements that make my eyebrows go up.

This woman with seven children is requesting a gas stove. However, in her ad she says, “The stove should be two years old in good working condition.” Excuse me? Yes, good working condition I buy but “should be two years old”?

Or how about this one: i am in need of a few things. queen headboard or canopy bed large fish tank w/stand vacume and carpet cleaner. dresser and night stand w/mirror and 20 or larger tv no more then 3 years old and 2 end tables for liveing room.

OK, no one NEEDS  a canopy bed or fish tank or a TV as described. These are WANTS and, as the old saying goes beggars can’t be choosers. Yet, ad after ad lists items such as these with the keywords: I NEED. Not I want or would like to have or could use but NEED.

And yet another: I need 2-3 folding chairs, a hand or stand mixer, 2 big clean box fans, child sized table with 2+ chairs, 18m to 3T boys clothes, size 8(medium/large) boys clothes, need 2T snowsuit for the next winter, shoes/sandles/boots/sox size 6(infant) to 4(boys), small trike for 18 month old, pool preferably one that inflates, sand/water table, any scrapbooking or art supplies, and plastic climbing cube with slide. please help! i am VERY low income and have used other resources to no avail...thank u

The clothes and shoes are understandable. Those ARE a necessity but a child’s table, trike, pool, sand/water table… no, these again are luxuries. Lucky if you can afford them, unfortunate if you can’t. This person would LIKE those things but does not NEED them.

This, though, is the prevailing thought process our children are growing up with and believe in these days. They “need” the latest video gaming system and every new game and accessory to go with it. They “need” IPODS, computers, DVD players, TVs in their rooms, cellphones, name brand clothing, etc. etc. etc. Is it any wonder they turn into adults who think they NEED all these other items?
I have to admit, I grew up in a family that was affluent enough to have most things considered luxuries, particularly in a small town where money was scarce in most households. My husband, though, said something to me that made me stand back and think one day. I was bemoaning the fact that I didn’t have a certain pan with which to bake and he said well use your ingenuity. So I did and ended up using the broiler pan for whatever it was I was making which turned out just fine. And, ever since then, I look for ways to make do with what I have. A good thing I did, too, as our money situation has never been one which allowed much in the way of extras.

In the first years of our marriage I felt cheated somehow. One day, watching a sitcom about two young married couples about our age, I realized WHY I felt that way. I had been raised on shows such as this one in which the furniture was new and matched, pictures on the walls didn’t come from garage sales and everything they had was nice and new. It made me feel dissatisfied with what we had - hand-me-downs, clearance specials, make-do items, rummage sale cast-offs. Once I realized where my problem was rooted, I was able to laugh at myself and I no longer felt that way. I realized I was living a reality, not Hollywood’s idea of reality. And, at this stage of the game, with my children almost raised, I look around and I find I really don’t care about those things any longer. I don’t want fancy china as I would worry about grandchildren and breakage. I like my little knick knacks, so many of which were gifts from my family and friends, and who wants nice new furniture when you have dogs, cats and kids everywhere?

Our children grew up without a great many of the things their peer group thought were “necessities” and I truly believe it has been a good thing. I see them perfectly happy to make do with certain things, ecstatic when others they thought were out of reach come their way, and happy with what they have. Yes, they often came home and whined about the so-called Jones’ who had everything but they had the things they really needed: a roof over their heads, a warm bed to sleep in, plenty of good, nutritious food, pets to love and cuddle with, clothes that were similar to what others their age wore and parents who loved them un